Deconstructing Brian
by Tuttle
Summary: USQaF: The concern of a friend leads to a night of questioning.


Title: Deconstructing Brian

Feedback: Yes! Please? Pretty please? I'm asking nicely

Pairing: Brian/Other USQaF-Male. You'll see:)

Rating: R (for language, adult situations)

Genre: Drama, 2nd Person

Summary: The concern of a friend leads to a night of questioning.

Notes: Just a crazy little thing I had floating around in my head. I don't think I've ever seen something like this, so I figured why not

Special Thanks: Thanks to the actors who gave us these wonderful characters whom we all love. Without them, there would be no QAF. So thank you. Thanks also to Lorein for the challenge.

Spoilers: Through 509

Warnings: None

Disclaimer: I do not own QAF. I simply like to borrow them for the purpose of some friendly play. I am not making any money on this or any of my stories. All characters (with the exception of my original characters) belong to the creators.

* * *

You look over at him, his naked body basking in the soft moonlight that creeps through the single window of the bedroom. He is covered at the waist only by the 500 thread count sheets which had been pulled from the bed in a fervent passion when he fucked you for the fourth time that evening.

He is even more handsome asleep, if that is at all possible. His strong, dark, handsome features are softened by the night and the serenity of the blackness that surrounds you.

Unbelievable, you think. How did this happen? How did your asking to speak with him about the impending problems among your circle of friends lead to the bedroom in his loft? How did your concern over his relationship with Michael and Justin lead to him having sex with you and not throwing you out afterwards. What was it that had hit Brian Kinney so hard that he would do such a thing so out of character.

You don't know and you try not to care to know. All you do know is that you're happy. You're happier than you have been in years, probably your whole life.

As you gaze over at him again, about a million thoughts race through your mind. It reminds you of something Michael had said a few years before. "It's all about sex," he told you one night at Babylon as the two of you watched Brian gyrating on the dance floor. "Except when you're having it. And then it's all about 'Will he stay?' 'Will he go?' 'How am I doing?' 'What am I doing?' Unless of course, you're Brian Kinney. And then it's 'Who gives a fuck what you think, you're lucky to have me.'"

Michael had been right. Brian was as self serving as a man could possibly get... and you know it. You and your entire group of close knit friends. What you keep asking yourself now though, is 'why me?' Out of the quaint group, the only one in the lot Brian had fucked was Ben (Well and Justin, but you never did count him.)

You check his sleeping body again. His chest rises and falls rhymically You smile. How could such a deity like Brian want someone like you? Did he even want you at all? Now your mind focuses on this question. Did Brian Kinney ever truly want you, or were you jut the means to some unknown end?

The latter, you think to yourself. It has to be the latter. Brian Kinney would never give you a second look. It's just his nature, plus, you're not his type. Brian's type is more... well more like Justin. Like Michael. They both idolize Brian in their own way. Different than the way in which Brian idolizes himself. He is their super hero, their protector, their unattainable love. He is the object that they desire so badly, but is just out of reach.

More out of reach for Michael it seemed than Justin. You don't understand why. Maybe it's because Justin is young and impressionable, somebody Brian could mold into a younger version of himself. Or maybe, it's because Brian respects Michael too much to make their relationship sexual. Michael is his brother, always has been.

But the question again turns to you. Why you? Out of all the boys at Babylon and all the fags in Pittsburgh, what about you, of all people, did Brian Kinney need to feel satisfied? Was he even satisfied? You look over at him and he seems peaceful, angelic, innocent.

You laugh softly. Brian Kinney? Peaceful? Angelic? Innocent? It must be afterglow. It's been so long since you've had sex that you've forgotten what it's like. Not that Brian had gathered you up in his arms afterward and declared his undying love for you, but you would take this. You have no expectations and when he inevitably asks you to leave, you will, without argument.

You have joined the ranks of many. Hundreds of guys who have had their ass pounded by Brian. The others however, in your opinion, are far more gorgeous, much more fabulous than you are. They have better bodies, an all around better look, but you stop yourself before you get depressed.

Depression. Maybe that was it. Maybe that was the reason why Brian had turned to you. Justin is no longer living at the loft, Michael had cut off all ties with his best friend. Brian is depressed, understandably. He had lost the two people in his life who he loved most, who he would ever love. He had to find a way to fill the emptiness, and with Brian, his coping mechanism is sex. And Brian had a lot of sex. You think about the possibility that maybe Brian is constantly depressed and uses the sex as a way to feel something. Could he really be such an unhappy, tortured soul. He has everything, you think. A good job, a night club, perfect looks, a god-like body, somebody who loves him, wants to spend the rest of their life with him. But Brian won't commit to Justin, can't commit. And something about that fact eats away at him. On the outside, Brian's life seems so amazing, but his inner turmoil has to be intense.

Your attempt at deconstructing Brian Kinney has led you nowhere. You are still here, in his bed, lying beside his naked body wondering why? You have been up all night, watching him, thinking and when he stirs, you don't know whether to stay the way you are, or pretend to be asleep.

Brian cocks his head to the side, rubbing his eyes to bring them into focus. "You're still here" he says. You don't answer, which says it all. You watch Brian stand, bare ass staring at you as he starts out of the bedroom. "I'm gonna take a shower. Go home and change your clothes." That answers your question. Brian had just waited to get rid of you. "I have Brown Athletics at ten, those fucking... greeting card people at twelve."

You nod, gathering your clothes up and dressing as he speaks. "Ten and twelve," you say. "Right. I'll just... go home and change."

You begin to walk towards the door when you hear him call out to you from the shower. "Oh, and Theodore. Don't be late."

"Sure thing, Bri," you respond sliding the door open. It was nice while it lasted.

THE END


End file.
